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This week I watched a youtube video of Joni Eareckson Tada. At 17 years old, Tada dove into a lake that broke her neck, which left her quadriplegic. In the video, Tada answers the question, “How can I pray for you?” She answers, “Pray that God will give me endurance because, man, it’s hard in this wheelchair, and I so want to finish well!”
This was my mom’s attitude. She actually said she didn’t want to turn into a “bitch” through the journey. But the sentiment was there.
You will find throughout her blog posts that she has practiced enduring trials with Jesus before her diagnosis and continues to do so after. I am so proud to be her daughter and to still learn from her.
–Tricia
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Last week I shared my thoughts about my new power wheelchair, it has been five days, and I am not sure if Cliff and I will survive. The house is still standing but slightly more damaged by my driving than it was five days ago. One of several challenges I am having is getting in and out of the house and van. I think Cliff’s heart almost stops every time I hit those ramps. He gets a little nervous just because I have gone over the edge several times. Fortunately, I have never flipped it over. I keep telling him the worst that can happen is a few broken bones. I am not going to die from a wrong-way turn on a ramp.
What amazes me about this whole ALS journey is the mind game and the psychological effect the disease plays on me. During my life, I have welcomed and sought out challenges. This one is a toughie. In the past five days, we have been to three restaurants and a trip around the mall for practice. I like the mall. I can go full speed ahead–well, almost if there are not too many people. The experience in the stores can be traumatic. Traveling in a wheelchair certainly gives one an appreciation for ADA regulations.
In one of my favorite stores, I thought I had enough maneuvering room. Alas, I didn’t. One of my wheels got caught on a clothes rack. I traveled a few feet with the rack in tow until I found someone to help me get untangled. In another store, I couldn’t get through a couple of aisles, and a sales associate asked if she could assist. I mentioned the aisle dilemma, and she offered to bring me what I needed–not fix the aisle.
This morning at church, I parked too close to the row in front of me, and someone sat too close behind me. Suddenly I realized I couldn’t move: I couldn’t move my chair, and I couldn’t adjust my sitting position. Welcome to the world of anxiety and claustrophobia.
I felt trapped, and I couldn’t get out. That was the longest sermon in the history of the world. Fortunately, knowing I wanted to flee, Cliff held my hand to keep me from running over everyone around me if I should try to escape.
I am thankful for my years of trusting God. I have been practicing for this journey all of my life. This does not mean I don’t want to climb into bed, pull the blankets over my head and sleep for days.
Drinking, I never have, but I am thinking that may be an option as well. Do you think that will affect my driving?
Realistically, I do know these are not good options, especially for a Christian Life Coach and Love and Logic Parenting trainer. Two questions come to mind: “How will that work for you?” and “What are you going to do?” Those questions are good for every situation. For now, I will practice my driving. I will continue going out and being with friends and family as long as I can.
Thank you for all your wonderful, positive, encouraging words. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the love extended I don’t know what to say. Yes, there are actually times I am at a loss for words. Thank you for hanging in there with me.
God is good every day. Every day, God is good.
–Susan
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