“Lady, that’s where Jasper is. He’s in the green house over there!” I’m driving with my just six-year-old granddaughter, Selena, and I strain to turn my head to see the vet’s office where her family dog was taken by her uncle after the dog had died. This loss is one in a series of losses she has experienced in the last year, but it’s the most recent and closest to her heart. “My body is pourrrrring. Pouring,” she says while moving her little hands from her big, brown eyes to her little tummy. “Do you know what that means, Lady? I’m not crying, but my bones hurt.”
It wasn’t the ideal time to kneel, look her in the eyes, and tell her all there is to know, say, and experience in Jesus. From the driver’s seat, I blinked back the tears and said, “Yes, baby. I do know about “pouring.” The Psalmist did as well. David writes in Psalm 22:14-15:
“I am poured out like water, and my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted within my breast; my strength is dried; up like a potsherd and my tongue sticks to my jaws; you lay me in the dust of death.”
My mother was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) in 2011. She wrote over 200 blog posts about her journey but waited to start it until 2012, nearly a year after receiving word of her disease. My mother’s heart turned to Jesus when she was fourteen years old, and she never looked back, yet in that first year of diagnosis, she didn’t talk to God much or at all. She just wasn’t quite sure what to say. She was “pouring.”
Tricia
*My Grandkids call me Lady : )
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When I started this blog I promised myself to be honest about my journey, the good and the bad. This past week has not been good.
Two years ago this past week, August 26, 2011 to be exact, I was diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) often referred to as “Lou Gehrig’s Disease”.
Two years ago, I was walking with a cane and now I can’t walk at all, not with a cane or a walker. People ask whether or not the disease is progressing at a fast rate or not, I don’t know. However, I do know it is progressing.
This week was difficult. Some distressing changes were caused by the continuing loss of muscle strength in both of my legs. I know these physical challenges are just the beginning of the challenges to come, and it is frightening.
In addition to no longer being able to dress or undress myself, I can no longer turn over in bed or transfer from my bed or chair to my power chair without assistance. It is a scary, helpless feeling. Thankfully, Cliff is here to help deal with the physical challenges, but neither of us really knows how to deal with the emotional ones.
It has been a fairly emotional week for me. I have been sad because of my losses. Tears have come easily as I process these changes. I always try to be proactive and anticipate what is to come. I try to be a little ahead, but I am not doing a very good job. The good thing is that my faith is strong, but I can’t help but remind God that I am here and I could use His help. Keep us in your prayers.
This entry was posted in Susan’s Steps on September 2, 2013 by Susan.
This is the addendum to “#54 My Anniversary Date”
Not to be flippant or sacrilegious but the best therapy for sad days is a good dose of friendship. Coffee, breakfast, lunch or dinner out with family and friends brings joy to our hearts. I believe that is what God intended for us when he brought us all together. Thank all of you for being here with us. I so appreciate your kind notes and responses to my blog.
–Susan