Each week, as I prepare to write this blog, I spend time reflecting on events that impact my life, either directly or indirectly related to my ALS, keeping in mind that my purpose is to educate and encourage those who may choose to read my posts. I suppose this posting would come under the heading of education since writing about catheters and urine isn’t necessarily encouraging.
A few weeks ago, I wrote (Susan’s Steps # 51 “Rule 15 Be a Crusader – Know Your Disease) about a procedure called a Supra Pubic Catheter, which involves surgically placing a catheter through a stoma (created opening) in my abdomen and into my bladder which drains the urine into a bag. I had this procedure this week. My reason for choosing to do this was to give me a little more freedom. If you have read previous blogs, you know my nemesis has been trying to navigate public restrooms.
I never though I would write an article about urine, but then I never thought I would have ALS either, just “shows to go you” as my mother would say. The days leading up to the surgery were extremely stressful for me. I couldn’t figure out why.
The Supra Pubic Catheter is done as an outpatient procedure. It takes less than an hour, not counting the pre- and post-rituals you have to go through (I got there at 3 PM and was home by 9 PM, in time for America’s Got Talent). The closer the time came for the procedure, the more I could feel my anxiety increasing. If I thought too much about it, I could really panic.
The research had been done, I knew what I was getting myself into, and I chose to do the procedure because I believed it would improve my quality of life, even if only for a limited time, months, but hopefully years.
I finally figured out the source of my distress since I don’t deal well with general anesthesia. I was nervous about the possibility of having to stay in the hospital overnight. My fear stems from the fact that I feel powerless; I feel as though I have no control, and I am totally dependent on others to take care of me. I was scared.
Then, as I was meticulously working myself up to the panic stage, I thought maybe it would be worse if they said I could go home, and I ended up getting arrested for driving my very powerful, supercharged wheelchair while under the influence of anesthesia.
Not wanting to stop on my path to panic, I continued in my downward spiral, thinking about how I was going to get my bike up the ramp into our van and how Cliff and Tricia were going to get me into the house. Since I like to be proactive and leave nothing to chance, I believed it was entirely my responsibility to solve any potential problems well in advance of them arising. Boy, am I tired!
However, all is well. The surgery went well. I didn’t get arrested. I was able to drive up the ramp into the van and into the house. It is all good.
Thanks for coming along with me on this journey. It’s not fun, but it’s interesting; in fact, the whole process fascinates me. I guess I am always the learner.
–Susan