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I began reading and re-reading my mom’s blogs since she died in 2016. Her words have continued to shape me as an adult (what a gift). This blog title Sweet Speakable Sorrow, the cultivation of spiritual complaint, was born from the idea that my mom didn’t want to hide her ALS in wordless grief. Instead, she desired to cultivate her language and behavior to glorify God in it. She wanted the outcome of her suffering to be significant. The cultivation of something comes from hard work and practice, sure, but also a passion for seeing something grow.
This post, The Perks of a Personal Caregiver, struck me doubly as she laments the struggle to “swallow my pride and submit myself to someone else’s hands.” Yet, as she does this, she also thinks of the God who carries her through it.
–Tricia
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Some of you have asked about my Personal Care Giver. I actually have two Care Givers, Anna and Lisa. Anna is here five days a week, and Lisa is here on the weekends. Both are wonderful Christian women who graciously put up with me. I am blessed. Truthfully, it took some time and thought to prepare mentally and emotionally to accept the fact that I needed help.
Many years ago, I took an opportunity through my employer to obtain Long Term Care Insurance. But, of course, I didn’t realize how wise I was when I made that decision. Back then, I thought it would be for Cliff since he is a little older than I am. How foolish of me. I should have known he had that good red blood from the hills of Oklahoma running through his veins.
Admittedly, the mental and emotional challenges of having a Care Giver are hard no matter how it is addressed. However, I need to reiterate both of these women are awesome. They are patient, kind, and very good at their job, which is taking care of me. They come to my home at 7:30 AM (Lisa arrives at 6:30 AM Sunday mornings so Cliff and I can go to the early service at Bayside). They help me into the shower, dress, and do some housecleaning. Cliff really believes they are here for him since they are now doing the chores he was doing: making the bed, doing laundry, and other household tasks. I remind them they are here for Cliff if they get frustrated with me. They smile and agree they like him the best.
As for the emotional and mental challenges: wow, how would you feel undressing in front of strangers knowing you have no other choices (other than the smell, not changing clothes, or getting out of bed)? I didn’t like the options. I know this is just the beginning. Right now, they help me into the shower, and thankfully I can still bathe myself (yea!!). After being here for two hours, they are off to their other responsibilities for the day. I am thankful for them. They make it easy for me to swallow my pride and submit myself to someone else’s hands.
My Care Giver, Anna, is a young pregnant 28-year-old woman with many years of experience as a Care Giver. She gives me a bad time (in a good way). You would think she was one of my grandchildren. She is very honest and straightforward, which I appreciate. We talk about what “we” will do the day I cannot get out of my power chair to get into the shower or the bathroom. We want to be proactive, not be caught off guard, and have a positive attitude. We try to figure out how we will conquer possible future obstacles.
–Susan
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