In March 1964, I was in a car going somewhere I shouldn’t have been, thinking to myself that if this didn’t work, I would just have to adjust. At 19 years old, I did not fully understand what it meant to adjust. Sometimes adjusting is more difficult than we think.
Now I am having to make adjustments to things I never thought about before. Have you ever thought about having to adjust to the different ways towels are folded? This last week, I started with my fifth caregiver, counting Vanessa, who only lasted for one day (I need to be nicer). They all fold towels differently.
I have personal caregivers seven days a week, 7:30 am to 9:30 am; one works five days, Monday through Friday, and the second is here Saturday and Sunday. Anna (who is great) has been with me since February, and is currently on maternity leave; her replacement started last week. My weekend caregiver has been with me for a couple of months. The caregivers’ responsibilities include helping me get ready for the day, which includes showering, dressing, and blow-drying my hair. In addition, they are responsible for light housekeeping and laundry, which Cliff loves.
Adjustments start here. Not only do I have to adjust to my caregivers, but they have to adjust to me. When they arrive, Cliff leaves the house to have coffee and therapy with his friends, and as always, the caregivers like him best.
With the caregivers, the major adjustment for me is stripping my clothes off the first time I meet a new one–and now I have a catheter bag attached to me. Awkward. I am adjusting. I am adjusting to how each of them folds clothes, empties the dishwasher, dusts, mops floors, and puts things away. I didn’t know there were so many different ways to do things, and I am having to adjust. I can’t follow them around to see whether they do things my way. I have to realize it doesn’t really matter; I am adjusting.
The biggest challenge for all of us is my hair. You all know how we all are about our hair, we want to look good, right? At the beginning, I thought this was no big deal, but it is! They practice, and I fix it, and I tell them they can’t give up. They are learning.
Before you all start sending me advice on how to get them to do things my way, I have already thought this through. I don’t care as much about “things” as I did before. I am looking for clean, neat, and somewhat organized for them as well as for me. My goal is to get up, shower, get dressed, and go out for breakfast or meet friends for lunch or coffee. Getting ready is taking a little longer in the mornings. I am moving slower, so if the dusting isn’t done, I am adjusting.
It was 1964, the first time I actually considered “adjusting” to a difficult situation. I have learned a great deal since then. I think the philosopher W.W. Bartley expresses my thoughts well with a Mother Goose rhyme (1695):
For every ailment under the sun
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there be none, never mind it.
–Susan